"Bleed the Light" -- May 23, 2019

Remember the day Orion's shadow fell from the sky,
and only the stars knew to ask why?
Shouldered the quiver, the Hunter took flight,
leaving the Guide, so all might look right,
Making sure those watching still see the light.

The stars knew the question.
The answer left unmentioned.

The sun would scream,
The moon would sigh,
As the watchers dreamed,
The comets scream as the arrow flies -
The Hunter's mark to crack the sky.

Mute Scream, August 12th, 2015

Glacial skin bares my sins
Of self-indulgent harmful whims
Following pride, caution cast aside
Now exposed to these stinging winds

Why should they be coerced to play
Games which only go my way
As I design their hurt inside
Unable to stop this every day

As threads now fray, and chaos reigns
And links are tainted by my stains
My screams constrained by my silent side
Desperate to take their pain away

Visibly Intangible, January 20th, 2013

The first branch of this overgrowth has been cracked,
Popping like a gunshot in the night -
You hear it, but the direction cannot be tracked,
Eyes of yours scanning left and right,
Your mind projecting shadows slipping just out of sight.

Will I be enemy or ally? Friend or foe?
Finding and asking me, the only way you can know.
Do you fear just the concept?
What of me can one not accept?

Regardless of faction, you've awakened this construct.

Adapting through anything, stability in fluidity,
Chaos surrounding, my embrace - lucidity,
Unsafe to those who don't know safety.

"Weakend Waltz", July 14th, 2012

I gave you that hint as a gift.

Granted, to expect one to solve from one sentence
my entire intricate pretense
may be seen as less help than hindrance.
Yet in this single instance
in which I test my own patience,
I continue to practice avoidance.

Such is this unseen, sophisticated dance,
which, unbeknown to you, is your only chance.

"Metagame", June 29, 2012

Words and warnings work as subterfuge
Wars and ways will shield me from you
Blood boiled black, colder than ice,
Heart held hostage, heat-hardened thrice
Passion forged by fire
With a mind pushed through frozen hell
Seamless mirrors disguising tripwires
Protecting that hard as diamond shell
So you can see it - irrelevant
You'll never breach it's perimeter,
Never reach it's internal tenant.

This is the home I know,
Where by my will, time moves slow,
My eyes bring order where chaos flows,
The methods of which I'll never show.

Dare you evict me from this home?
Knowing without it, I've nowhere to go?
Would you loose this beast upon them?
Or stand with me until the end?

Or do you intend to solve this labyrinth,
with no claim to the prize within?

Do you play the same game as I?

"Fear For The Forsaken", November 9th, 2011

I'm prepared,
So be scared,
You won't be able to withstand the attack
Once the blood in my heart is boiling black
Storms, hurricanes, quakes and flames
Fly to find those the spider names,
No, not a soul will hear your screams
When blood and darkness fill your dreams,
A landscape which you can't escape,
Doesn't matter which path you take
Can't be changed by any choice you make
This spider's mark can not be healed,
Once venom sets in, your fate is sealed.

"Double Barrel Defense", December 1st, 2010

So accustomed to sleeping with a shotgun
Alarms and tripwires set to wake me to anyone
Daring to enter this bastion of my isolation,
Prepared to gun down any without hesitation
Intention discretion irrelevant to my reaction,
Blind defense to guard this place,
Concealing sins in the closets, not brave enough to face
Their poisons, aging scars my sleeping fingers trace,
From battles won and lost and memories erased...

"Color Scheme", October 16th, 2010

I wasn't going to post this, but who the hell reads it anyway?

Written on my phone.

Using monochrome paint swatches
For a spectrum-wide color sketch
Pencil lines cant be seen on the canvas,
Watercolors bleeding through the page,
Wish I could show you why this is,
Without the internal war I'd wage
To maintain my ability to remain half-sane,
While retaining the energy to clearly explain.

"Desert Desertion", October 10th, 2010

The body is safe but the heart remains homeless,
Finding a way to start to overcome this
Sandstorm of bullets and sword strikes of lies,
Finding it's blinded as the wind whips its eyes,
Losing direction and unable to find
The way to link back to its body and mind
Turning away to recover its sight,
But still can't see as the sun's blindingly bright,
And although it knows well that nothing is right,
It continues to fight on with all of its might,
Hoping the winds will be calmer one night,
Allow it to find another like it to unite
With and both find a way to conquer the haze,
And build up a way to beat back the forays
Of attacks amplified by the sun's white-hot rays,
Find a way back to the body and mind,
To a home in which both could reside,
And could know that once they make it inside,
There's no bullets to dodge, and nothing to hide.

"Hold the Line" - April 28, 2010

Searching for a pattern in the stucco ceiling,
Wondering when it was that I got this feeling,
Maybe I'm just reeling, or is someone stealing,
The flame I had inside me that kept me killing,
Close my eyes and faces flash like an off track film reel,
Mind's racing back and forth trying to see what is real,
And for an instant I can hear those voices,
That would all still be around if I made different choices,
I blink and there I am under the stars just lyin'
Thinking and reflecting as I watch Orion,
Analyzing life and thinkin' I might be dyin',
Cause even with this grief it turns out I'm not cryin',
There's nothing I can do and trust me I do know that,
Three could maybe help but I know one won't come back,
One mistakes my actions as lethal combat,
The other gets scared and has to pull back,
So I don't know what to say or do but life still goes on,
Step by step I'll trudge along until it's all gone,
And once this merciless wave of shots have all been bested,
This tired soldier you know now will find some rest.

"Anthem", November 4th, 2007

Check the date on this one first...

So we face the world with mile wide smiles

(Knowing inside our eyes are on fire)

They see the twinkle of trust in our eyes

(When deep down inside we want them to die)

Use our lives for the masses of friends

(But under our skin the anger never ends)

It’s a lonely wasteland,

Being the hero of the hour

The envy in the desert sand

Turns it all desolate, except for one flower

The flower of the one who sees the truth

(When I met you my heart was ice

Chipped from pain and melting away

They’d turn up the heat with their lies

And leave me there to fade away

Until you let me see the truth)

We still let them think we’re so naïve

(The twinkle in our eyes are really knives)

They’ll never get it, they’ll never see

(The silent truths of you and me)

The world thinks we purely hate each other

(But we couldn’t live without one another)

So we’ll let them think they know it all

(And we’ll laugh when all of them fall)

Both:

So go on, world, go on and doubt us

Do your best and try to attack us

Break us

Shake us

Give us all you got

Cause we both know when it comes to the end

We’ll just be stronger and you’ll lay there dead.

"Reverse Dreamcatcher", December 18th, 2009

I could sit and glare at you
Stew and steam and stare at you
Let my nostrils flare at you
But it wouldn't change your character
No it wouldn't change a hair on your head
My eyes aren't black, I'm not seeing red
This twisted skewed soul isn't wanting you dead
Every single thought that runs through my head
Reminds me of how I'd love to forget you instead
Every lie that you said
Every line that you read
Every way that I let myself get led
To believe that you wouldn't leave,
That you would help and allow me to breath
Under the weight that I haul that this world doesn't see,
But unfortunately you eventually
Ended up tossing me away casually,
But it's ending up perfect in all actuality,
Cause the place you chose to throw me
Was into my friends, and they helped me see
That the one who'll make me happy is me
And being just what I want me to be
And not what I have to to keep you around
And getting upset and swallowing sounds
And wasting my time while my own dreams drown
You're nothing but my favorite memory now
Cause you've shown me the why and the how
To answer the questions I can't figure out
So I guess that's what this whole thing's about
Cause you were the one in who wouldn't get out
Of my head all these years but now there's no doubt
That you hurting me was the only way out.

"Elevelmentals" - December 10th, 2009

Level One - The Eyes
My first wave of defense starts with my eyes,
Prismatic and changing they become my disguise,
Acting like mirrors to deflect you away,
Staring beyond them will show you the way...

Level Two - The Words
Acting like smoke bombs and tear gas to throw off your trail,
Shifting sands and winds to ensure that you fail
To keep your focus or your direction
On just what is causing my wild insurrection...

Level Three - The Space
If you manage to find me in the sandstorm which I have created,
You'll find that the distance has left you deserted,
To break through here you must follow me close,
Not allowing me to become that shade, that ghost...

Level Four - The Fire
So you've stared through the prisms and seen what's below
Withstood the tornadoes and winds as they'd blow,
Ran me down for miles as I tried to fade away,
Now you've shown me that there's no other way,
The flames in my eyes start to burn hotter than ever,
Withstand them or our ties will fray and sever,
Put them out and you'll find my true form...

Level Five - The Ice
So here you find me, no weapons around,
Sitting so still, making no sound,
Entrapped in an ice block from my own fear,
The only escape for me is clear,
Holding on close till the ice melts to the floor,
Not breaking the gaze as my eyes open like doors,
Ensuring you'll be the first thing I see,
And knowing that my side is where you will be.

"Lie Among Liars" December 1st, 2009

The spider's here
Watching
Waiting
Baiting
Catching
Learning to adapt to new friends and tricks
Lends web to the snake so it's prey trips
Flies with the owl, spinning it in till there's no way out,
Lets the tiger guide it along the chosen route,
Till that now chameleonic spider reveals itself again
And the prey's fear is the only sign of the venom setting in,
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
No way for its pack to know that it's died,
Weapons won't hit what you won't witness,
Nothing will stop it, no matter how vicious,
The only way to escape your demise
Is to join the same view as its prismatic eyes,
Your life will be spared
When its vision is shared,
But left full of doubt
When you're left without
Any way to know that it's there.

Immobileyesed, August 13th, 2009

Go ahead and chalk it up to secrecy again,
Hiding behind stories of who you were back then,
While switching hopes of what could be
To now what could have been,
You've regained the mirrored void you wanted in your stare,
To wander in that nothingness with no emotions bared,
But now it's there, and now you see,
You just wanted her to care.
You've perfected arts of disguised desire,
Walked alone through white hot fire,
But now those selfish dreams and visions
Are swallowed whole as the flames burn higher,
The rising heat confounds the senses,
Lifetime's merging into all three tenses,
Creating your blade's self-inflicted incision,
That breaks and tears down your defenses.

"Fight of the Demi-Elemental" April 5th, 2009

The fire in my eyes burning hotter than plasmatic magma,
How my icy stare stays intact, some see as the enigma,
Those who believe that are lost within my mind,
Amazed by its intricacy, though still raw and unrefined,
Wondering how a scene as striking as this could be designed
By someone so young, with so little effort, and so little time.

The cyclonic destruction left in my wake
Looks like the aftermath of an earthquake,
Decimating those who claimed I'd never make it,
Annihilating those who attempt to break it,
Crippling those who decide to forsake it,
And eliminating those who believe they can take it.

Those who wish to observe are prepared,
Those who admire this life aren't scared,
Do not interfere and know they'll be spared,
Let it exist and stand back and stare,
Realize this calculated chaos is rare.

"He Who Finished Last, Saw The Most" March 28th, 2009

I lay here asleep, but awake,
Lying in a quiet chaos
That only the insincere can hear,
Those who falsely claim to trust my mind,
Those who are young yet race against time,
Racing for stability in a fluid setting,
Not realizing the simple joys they're letting
Pass them by.

Living by their superficial standards,
Striving for their social standings,
While all around them their life is flying,
All the while wasting life trying
To keep it all contained.

There's no grade for us
When all is said and done,
All our work will die with us,
When our time has come,
Except our impact on those who'll follow,
The young who watch all our steps,
Will we show them a life that's hollow,
Or bring contentment to all their steps?

Vertex Form - March 12th, 2009

For those curious about the title of this post, yes, it's a math joke, because this post is not in standard form, and if we are discussing quadratics, then it must be in vertex form.

For some, this is a warning, for others, an explanation, and for the rest, something nigh-incomprehensible.

The fire in my eyes right now is a good thing. Don't try to limit, or extinguish, or contain it. Doing so is only going to hurt both sides. I have places to go, things to drive towards, and what you perceive as anger is simply intensity being my motivation towards these goals. Those of you who have not experienced this sort of feeling will never fully understand it, but I expect you to respect me as I pursue it.

I've stayed patient and found things I need to work towards, and come April, there's not going to be anything - or anyone - holding me back. I'm currently shedding those who I feel are bringing my progress back, and I'm pretty sure there's none left to get rid of. Those who couldn't - no. Those who REFUSED to understand my words have been removed. I tolerated you long enough and don't feel anything more needs to be said.

With that said (COUGH EXCUSE THE PUN COUGH), I've settled pretty much every ghost that was still around. There's a couple that will always be around, but those are irremovable. Right now I have today and the future to focus on, and when I'm presented opportunities to look back to these past events, I will do so in an objective manner. In order to do that, I need to let them die for a bit and let the bias of the situation fade with it. Learning subjectively can be faulty and fatal, and I intend to avoid that with these most recent lessons.

So yes, this is a rant.

No, it doesn't make sense. Was it supposed to?

No, it wasn't.

It's more a statement to myself, and at the same time, a statement to all - the motivation is returning, and to quote Operation:Mindcrime...

"Gonna make this city bleed."

Obviously, the quote isn't meant in the same context. I do have two more, the first of which has just been throwing me a new perspective on things - not changing everything, but giving me a new lens...

"The art of life is, without rushing, without faltering, unraveling the secrets of knowledge, we must defeat and conquer our four natural enemies - fear, clarity, power, and the desire to rest."

And the third being one which usually gets my head back up after I've screwed something up.

"Time and time again we fall into the depths of who we are, but you can't keep running away from what you're trying to find."

The rant is done, now it's the ramble.

I came up with a new concept this week - the Paradoxymoron. Good Grief, for example, falls under this category. Sometimes we have to undergo grief in order to obtain experience - thus being the good. Common knowledge dubs this an oxymoron - but it cannot be because situations exist where the grief is good. See? Paradoxymoron.

Aww hell, that makes no sense. I guess I'm the Paradoofus.

Well, I'm heading to sleep. It's been an awfully odd month so far. And it's only going to get stranger.

"Rain", March 2nd, 2009

Note: By this reasoning, apparently we should all look up to meteorologists as the wisest people in our society.

The inexperienced fool sprints out in the rain
Then asks people as he runs why he's wet,
And everyone he asks believes he is insane.

The second time he might look outside to see if it is raining,
When it is, he elects to stay inside,
When asked to come outside, he chooses to abstain.

But one day he must leave in the rain again,
Now he's prepared with an umbrella,
While more of the world's fools praise him as a wise man.

But the man is still a fool, for he is out in the storm,
While the wise men have known the rain was approaching -
And have left for the day to a town which is clear and warm.

"Observation Theory" February 28, 2009

This is unfinished. I'm posting because it has been a month. I don't know which direction to take this...which possibly is turning into a metaphor for a lot of situations lately. I think I need to wait and see where things are going to go with both this and different aspects of life. Sometimes, one can only go so far until an environment allows further progression.

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I'll observe the world through tearless retinas,
Recording information with every step I take,
Then sit alone at night and analyze the data,
Comprehending lives for understanding's sake,
Others may critique my lack of enjoyment of the world,
Fail to fathom why I live without self-gratitude,
When someone finally has my twisted mind uncurled,
They'll find the origins of this knowledge pursuing attitude.