Everything around is so violent,
I'll just be staying silent,
Let the hurricane run it's course,
Go with the grain, not try to force
My endless will upon the way I wish it was.
Things just aren't meant for me,
For my world to be how I wished it'd be,
In the past I pursued things so recklessly,
Then walked away dejectedly
When it all came crashing down in chaos.
So now I'm done even trying, done with the fight,
Done trying to make things seemingly alright,
Go back to the secretive life I always lead,
Finished being open and letting them see
The person that I was, am, and soon will be.
Been holding together, someone remind me
Why I've been hoping that someone would find me
Instead of just using me to take all their blame,
Sick of being used as the pawn in their game
Of chess that won't end till they remember my name.
It's not important, it doesn't matter
To them if I hold together or if I shatter,
Day by day I've been wasting my time,
Pouring these words out in meaningless rhymes,
And this next verse is the end of the line.
So tonight is the last time I pick up the pen
That's been laying on the desk in my head
Knowing the lines on this page will never be read,
Find somewhere else to put my focus instead,
And now with these words, this craft becomes dead.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
"Risk/Reward", November 30th, 2008
I almost chose not to post this. I'm still on the fence as to leaving it up here. I might take it down soon, I'm not sure.
Time to face it,
I can't erase it,
Can't escape it just in case it
Starts to encase me as I retrace it,
The steps I took to try to replace it,
No reasons for me on which to base it,
The decision on where I've chosen to place it,
Time to sit back and see how far this person takes it.
There's no way out, no running away,
No turning around and finding yesterday,
The concrete defenses, I'll turn them to clay,
Not gonna calculate each word that I say,
Just to set up a place where they'd choose to stay,
Let them decide if there's any way
To believe that my past is not my today.
Time to face it,
I can't erase it,
Can't escape it just in case it
Starts to encase me as I retrace it,
The steps I took to try to replace it,
No reasons for me on which to base it,
The decision on where I've chosen to place it,
Time to sit back and see how far this person takes it.
There's no way out, no running away,
No turning around and finding yesterday,
The concrete defenses, I'll turn them to clay,
Not gonna calculate each word that I say,
Just to set up a place where they'd choose to stay,
Let them decide if there's any way
To believe that my past is not my today.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
This post is one which is quite...unique.
I've decided to do nothing but write, starting now, about anyone whose name pops into my head.
I won't name who it is. Feel free to find me on AIM (sixpackreich) if you think a verse pertains to you, or if you are curious who a specific verse pertains to. There are no secrets.
Read on.
For two years I considered you my closest friend,
I believed that the bond between us couldn't break or bend,
Little did I know this is how it would end,
I really don't know just how you intend
To fend for yourself, without me to lend
An ear or a thought, or the time that I'd spend,
Or the hand I'd extend to just try to amend
The issues between us, the one I called "friend."
In much less time, another has come and done the same,
Turned around and left just the way she came,
Disappeared during the chaos when I was putting out the flames
Of a side of me that I never bothered to label with a name,
Thought everything I did was just a sick part of a game,
Believed I was wild, when all I did was collected and tame,
Maybe one day she'll figure out that I'm not the one to blame,
Unimportant are their names - to me they're both the same.
Even quicker than those before, this one left her mark on my heart,
Should have known it was a disaster from the start,
Fell under the false notion that she'd understand my art,
Within just a few months our ways would part,
Just as her emotions turned, so will this verse,
Even though the words she chose were cold and terse,
They're not even close to the pain from what's worse -
The fact that it was those words in which I immersed.
I'm able to move on from these without a single tear,
Because of the lessons learned from a guide through the years,
Never letting me turn and run, pushing me to face the fears,
But never chose to interfere, to take the wheel and steer,
When words fell on deaf ears, this one would still hear,
Without them, life would not have led me here,
Always meaning in their words, even if at first not clear,
Contain most of the concepts in life which I still hope to mirror.
Another face has joined the picture in recent times,
One whom I hope finds the hidden meaning in these rhymes,
Regardless of how little I know of the mind behind those eyes,
I'm willing to risk the chance that what I've seen is a disguise,
And no matter how many times I'm told it's unwise,
Ignoring the amount of logic this decision defies,
I'll answer all questions, with nothing hidden, when they arise,
Hope that my trust in them will rise.
Odd.
I expected this to be quite longer. There were more people who found their way into my thoughts, but I could not find any words to write for these people. Maybe a later time will change that.
Either way, feel free to ask who any specific verse pertains to - as well as ask what they mean, if they apply to you personally. I took quite a bit of time on most of these.
I've decided to do nothing but write, starting now, about anyone whose name pops into my head.
I won't name who it is. Feel free to find me on AIM (sixpackreich) if you think a verse pertains to you, or if you are curious who a specific verse pertains to. There are no secrets.
Read on.
For two years I considered you my closest friend,
I believed that the bond between us couldn't break or bend,
Little did I know this is how it would end,
I really don't know just how you intend
To fend for yourself, without me to lend
An ear or a thought, or the time that I'd spend,
Or the hand I'd extend to just try to amend
The issues between us, the one I called "friend."
In much less time, another has come and done the same,
Turned around and left just the way she came,
Disappeared during the chaos when I was putting out the flames
Of a side of me that I never bothered to label with a name,
Thought everything I did was just a sick part of a game,
Believed I was wild, when all I did was collected and tame,
Maybe one day she'll figure out that I'm not the one to blame,
Unimportant are their names - to me they're both the same.
Even quicker than those before, this one left her mark on my heart,
Should have known it was a disaster from the start,
Fell under the false notion that she'd understand my art,
Within just a few months our ways would part,
Just as her emotions turned, so will this verse,
Even though the words she chose were cold and terse,
They're not even close to the pain from what's worse -
The fact that it was those words in which I immersed.
I'm able to move on from these without a single tear,
Because of the lessons learned from a guide through the years,
Never letting me turn and run, pushing me to face the fears,
But never chose to interfere, to take the wheel and steer,
When words fell on deaf ears, this one would still hear,
Without them, life would not have led me here,
Always meaning in their words, even if at first not clear,
Contain most of the concepts in life which I still hope to mirror.
Another face has joined the picture in recent times,
One whom I hope finds the hidden meaning in these rhymes,
Regardless of how little I know of the mind behind those eyes,
I'm willing to risk the chance that what I've seen is a disguise,
And no matter how many times I'm told it's unwise,
Ignoring the amount of logic this decision defies,
I'll answer all questions, with nothing hidden, when they arise,
Hope that my trust in them will rise.
Odd.
I expected this to be quite longer. There were more people who found their way into my thoughts, but I could not find any words to write for these people. Maybe a later time will change that.
Either way, feel free to ask who any specific verse pertains to - as well as ask what they mean, if they apply to you personally. I took quite a bit of time on most of these.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
"Trapped by Escape" November 9, 2008
Close to my heart but far from my head,
Living each day with the nagging dread
That any minute I'll find out he's dead,
Wondering if there was anything I could have done instead
That would have stopped him before the night he fled,
And so I sit here, with a heart weighing like lead.
Obviously her issues were much worse than mine,
Considering the fact that she never had the time
To listen to my words, interpret the rhymes,
Spent my time with her much like the mime
On the street who just wishes he were understood
But is vastly ignored by the only ones who could.
All these people, friends who think they have a clue,
Don't bother to look past these eyes, it's nothing new,
Don't bother to find out for themselves whats false or true,
Believing the things that past people in my life thought they knew,
Throughout life the number of friends I've trusted is few,
At a glance the water may seem blue,
But a closer look reveals a much different hue.
And sometimes it feels like it just isn't right,
Wondering why I have to fight through the night,
Unable to sleep till outside turns bright,
Getting to the point where I'm losing sight
Of the dreams that I had, losing the will to fight,
Can't even walk cause my body's so tight
From the stress I push back to just get through the day,
Wishing that someone would just take it away,
Don't know how, dont know the way,
Just sick of the liars, the games that they play,
So this is it, I've got no more to say
About the people who were close who chose not to stay.
Living each day with the nagging dread
That any minute I'll find out he's dead,
Wondering if there was anything I could have done instead
That would have stopped him before the night he fled,
And so I sit here, with a heart weighing like lead.
Obviously her issues were much worse than mine,
Considering the fact that she never had the time
To listen to my words, interpret the rhymes,
Spent my time with her much like the mime
On the street who just wishes he were understood
But is vastly ignored by the only ones who could.
All these people, friends who think they have a clue,
Don't bother to look past these eyes, it's nothing new,
Don't bother to find out for themselves whats false or true,
Believing the things that past people in my life thought they knew,
Throughout life the number of friends I've trusted is few,
At a glance the water may seem blue,
But a closer look reveals a much different hue.
And sometimes it feels like it just isn't right,
Wondering why I have to fight through the night,
Unable to sleep till outside turns bright,
Getting to the point where I'm losing sight
Of the dreams that I had, losing the will to fight,
Can't even walk cause my body's so tight
From the stress I push back to just get through the day,
Wishing that someone would just take it away,
Don't know how, dont know the way,
Just sick of the liars, the games that they play,
So this is it, I've got no more to say
About the people who were close who chose not to stay.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
"Icarian Falcon", October 31, 2008
It's time for me to raise the stakes,
Take the chances I used to cancel,
Done are the days of playing it safe,
Done letting rage and wrath set the path,
Skin worn thin enough to be cut by rose petals,
Broken floodgates to the core to rust the metal,
Of a brain stained with the raining pain of a past,
Spending time trying to fly from it but moving too fast,
But if I slowed down I'd crash into an ocean so vast
That I'd never make it out alive, on a ship with no mast.
Take the chances I used to cancel,
Done are the days of playing it safe,
Done letting rage and wrath set the path,
Skin worn thin enough to be cut by rose petals,
Broken floodgates to the core to rust the metal,
Of a brain stained with the raining pain of a past,
Spending time trying to fly from it but moving too fast,
But if I slowed down I'd crash into an ocean so vast
That I'd never make it out alive, on a ship with no mast.
"Don't Answer Me", October 31, 2008
If I asked you not to worry about my past -
Could you let it be?
If I let you break the self-sufficient mold I've cast -
Could you catch me?
If I asked you to ignore the lies that they say -
Could you only believe what you see?
If I tried to run when you knew I should stay -
Could you stop me?
If I asked you to chance it without knowing who I am inside -
Could you trust me?
Could you let it be?
If I let you break the self-sufficient mold I've cast -
Could you catch me?
If I asked you to ignore the lies that they say -
Could you only believe what you see?
If I tried to run when you knew I should stay -
Could you stop me?
If I asked you to chance it without knowing who I am inside -
Could you trust me?
Thursday, October 30, 2008
"Breaking and Entering", October 30th, 2008
The shockwaves it set off left cracks in the floor,
I'm tripping over them as I stumble to the door,
Falling on my face while looking for something more,
Without even knowing what that doorway has in store,
The black lights turn on showing the fingerprints on the scene,
No matter how much I scrub away the stains, they're never clean,
What I once believed was red has now become green,
The damage they left behind is worse than what I've ever seen,
Broken down door crashes as it falls,
Can't wash the blame off the mud-stained floors and walls,
Trying to rest in a bed that's been torn apart,
Need to rebuild but I don't know where to start.
I'm tripping over them as I stumble to the door,
Falling on my face while looking for something more,
Without even knowing what that doorway has in store,
The black lights turn on showing the fingerprints on the scene,
No matter how much I scrub away the stains, they're never clean,
What I once believed was red has now become green,
The damage they left behind is worse than what I've ever seen,
Broken down door crashes as it falls,
Can't wash the blame off the mud-stained floors and walls,
Trying to rest in a bed that's been torn apart,
Need to rebuild but I don't know where to start.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
"Recovery Road" October 9th, 2008
Recovery's become a mountain, comprised completely of only shale,
Rising at such an angle, it's near impossible to scale,
Racing against the clock, while the world pressures you to wait,
Although you know the summit is the only remaining escape,
From those who clutch and grab at you, try to hold you back,
Running from their raging fire which turns all it touches black,
You spend each second climbing, but you don't know what's at the top,
All you know is you'll become their prey if you decide to stop,
You reach the summit only to find it's the first of an endless range,
Looking at the ground in front, you see the surface change,
As well as footsteps from those who've taken this journey prior,
Still visible in the distance are their figures climbing higher,
At the end of this rocky path is the happiness you desire,
But now is time to rest, you've escaped that frenzied fire,
This road, slick and dangerous, is better faced with two,
Not a one who went alone has ever made it through,
So here is the place to rest, and sleep secure tonight,
The one you're meant to travel with will come when the time is right.
Rising at such an angle, it's near impossible to scale,
Racing against the clock, while the world pressures you to wait,
Although you know the summit is the only remaining escape,
From those who clutch and grab at you, try to hold you back,
Running from their raging fire which turns all it touches black,
You spend each second climbing, but you don't know what's at the top,
All you know is you'll become their prey if you decide to stop,
You reach the summit only to find it's the first of an endless range,
Looking at the ground in front, you see the surface change,
As well as footsteps from those who've taken this journey prior,
Still visible in the distance are their figures climbing higher,
At the end of this rocky path is the happiness you desire,
But now is time to rest, you've escaped that frenzied fire,
This road, slick and dangerous, is better faced with two,
Not a one who went alone has ever made it through,
So here is the place to rest, and sleep secure tonight,
The one you're meant to travel with will come when the time is right.
Monday, September 29, 2008
"Short and Sour", September 29th, 2008
You treated my emotions with an element of fluidity,
An interrogative relationship, always questioning their validity,
I'll never forget those bladed words that you said to me,
Cut so deeply that they've become scarred into my memory,
"Time heals all wounds.", not a falser statement exists,
For the wounds of the suicidal will always show upon their wrists,
While I myself do not appear upon that groups member lists,
The scars I hold will be ever present from all your dagger twists.
An interrogative relationship, always questioning their validity,
I'll never forget those bladed words that you said to me,
Cut so deeply that they've become scarred into my memory,
"Time heals all wounds.", not a falser statement exists,
For the wounds of the suicidal will always show upon their wrists,
While I myself do not appear upon that groups member lists,
The scars I hold will be ever present from all your dagger twists.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Saturday, September 13th, 2008 - "Truth"
In the end, you'll see what I've done
Not yet - cause it's only begun,
Soon enough you'll believe that I'm the one,
And when I'm through, you'll be shot with your own gun.
I'm the one that you'll need in the end,
The one whose will can't break or bend,
Those who accept me will be the ones I defend,
The ones to which my hand will extend.
You feared my intensity,
But just explain to me
Why my tenacity
Made me so untrustworthy
Maybe one day you can see
What it is I tried to be
What they call insanity
Is only personality
I'm the one that you'll need in the end,
The one whose will can't break or bend,
Those who accept me will be the ones I defend,
The ones to which my hand will extend.
And when you're trapped, with the flames burning higher,
And the very air around you is unbearably hotter,
I'll remember the day you labeled me a liar,
I'll sit back and watch as the fire starts your slaughter,
You'll regret ever having tried to conspire
Against the strongest of all, you shouldn't have bothered,
Your whole plan of attack will start to backfire,
And this time, you can't paint yourself as a martyr.
Not yet - cause it's only begun,
Soon enough you'll believe that I'm the one,
And when I'm through, you'll be shot with your own gun.
I'm the one that you'll need in the end,
The one whose will can't break or bend,
Those who accept me will be the ones I defend,
The ones to which my hand will extend.
You feared my intensity,
But just explain to me
Why my tenacity
Made me so untrustworthy
Maybe one day you can see
What it is I tried to be
What they call insanity
Is only personality
I'm the one that you'll need in the end,
The one whose will can't break or bend,
Those who accept me will be the ones I defend,
The ones to which my hand will extend.
And when you're trapped, with the flames burning higher,
And the very air around you is unbearably hotter,
I'll remember the day you labeled me a liar,
I'll sit back and watch as the fire starts your slaughter,
You'll regret ever having tried to conspire
Against the strongest of all, you shouldn't have bothered,
Your whole plan of attack will start to backfire,
And this time, you can't paint yourself as a martyr.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
"Silent Screaming Spiral", August 9th, 2008
The spiral inside haunting me daily,
My usual methods to deal with it, failing,
Falling away from all I knew, flailing,
Pressing on through the race of life but trailing.
No matter what, these are silent screams,
Now dealing with all this and violent dreams,
Bonds are broken, a heart tearing at the seams,
Can someone please tell me when the pain will cease?
It rips me to shreds, piece after piece falls apart,
I'd work through it all but I've no place to start,
Without resorting to crystallizing this now bleeding heart,
And forcing every current emotion to depart.
My usual methods to deal with it, failing,
Falling away from all I knew, flailing,
Pressing on through the race of life but trailing.
No matter what, these are silent screams,
Now dealing with all this and violent dreams,
Bonds are broken, a heart tearing at the seams,
Can someone please tell me when the pain will cease?
It rips me to shreds, piece after piece falls apart,
I'd work through it all but I've no place to start,
Without resorting to crystallizing this now bleeding heart,
And forcing every current emotion to depart.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
July 30th, 2008 - "Frozen House of Wax"
Please, please, try to understand,
Difficult for me to show you my hands,
Fearing that you will not see the scars,
Tears in my eyes, gleaming like stars,
Both disappear as the sun rises again.
Hand fell into the pan as I flew off the handle,
Impossible to heal, trying to light a frozen candle,
Will never succeed, instead will always fail,
A castle constructed with well-rusted nails,
Appearing strong, in reality, a house of cards.
Stare straight into my eyes, brave one,
See these things I've said and done,
See the shame, the pride, the perceived modesty,
Look past that and find the fear of honesty,
This castle has a pure basis of lies.
The lies from those whom I've destroyed,
Have built this place completely devoid,
Of windows, doors, or even a gate,
But I refuse to resign myself to the fate,
That it shall fall like a house of cards.
Take my poisoned truth and keep it alive,
Just waiting for my second wind to arrive,
Wishing that you'd show me truth's not a ghost,
Just because I am less trusting than most,
Is that enough reason to break this glass heart,
To prove to me what I have known from the start,
That melding with me would tear anyone apart?
Difficult for me to show you my hands,
Fearing that you will not see the scars,
Tears in my eyes, gleaming like stars,
Both disappear as the sun rises again.
Hand fell into the pan as I flew off the handle,
Impossible to heal, trying to light a frozen candle,
Will never succeed, instead will always fail,
A castle constructed with well-rusted nails,
Appearing strong, in reality, a house of cards.
Stare straight into my eyes, brave one,
See these things I've said and done,
See the shame, the pride, the perceived modesty,
Look past that and find the fear of honesty,
This castle has a pure basis of lies.
The lies from those whom I've destroyed,
Have built this place completely devoid,
Of windows, doors, or even a gate,
But I refuse to resign myself to the fate,
That it shall fall like a house of cards.
Take my poisoned truth and keep it alive,
Just waiting for my second wind to arrive,
Wishing that you'd show me truth's not a ghost,
Just because I am less trusting than most,
Is that enough reason to break this glass heart,
To prove to me what I have known from the start,
That melding with me would tear anyone apart?
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Sick, Twisted, Evil, Wrong, July 6th, 2008
"You're sick."
It's a sentence I hear whenever I plan,
Every time I choose to destroy those who ran,
Every calculated move I make,
Every analyzed step I take -
It's all just "Sick."
"You're twisted."
The phrase I hear when you learn my motive,
To completely alter the way these people live,
Not content until we raise the stakes,
By the end your fear will make you shake,
I'm completely "twisted."
"You're evil."
The words I hear at every turn,
The opposite, a fact they'll never learn,
For I destroy to let them rebuild,
Minds don't reincarnate till the old is killed,
I must be "evil."
"You're wrong."
The two syllables, nothing short of truthless,
My determination comes off as simply ruthless,
Don't criticize and try to stop what you don't understand,
Don't challenge - you don't want to see me make a stand,
I'm never "wrong."
It's a sentence I hear whenever I plan,
Every time I choose to destroy those who ran,
Every calculated move I make,
Every analyzed step I take -
It's all just "Sick."
"You're twisted."
The phrase I hear when you learn my motive,
To completely alter the way these people live,
Not content until we raise the stakes,
By the end your fear will make you shake,
I'm completely "twisted."
"You're evil."
The words I hear at every turn,
The opposite, a fact they'll never learn,
For I destroy to let them rebuild,
Minds don't reincarnate till the old is killed,
I must be "evil."
"You're wrong."
The two syllables, nothing short of truthless,
My determination comes off as simply ruthless,
Don't criticize and try to stop what you don't understand,
Don't challenge - you don't want to see me make a stand,
I'm never "wrong."
Thursday, June 26, 2008
"Neither Time Nor Lies Will Stop Us" June 26, 2008
Immortalized within that single camera shutter,
Is the realization that I'll never need another,
Watch the butterflies in your eyes start to flutter,
See the words in my throat begin to stutter,
As your smile cuts through the pain and clears away the clutter,
Looking in my eyes you'll see I wouldn't have it any other
Way than to have you be the one that's always on my mind,
Be the inspiration behind each of these very lines,
The only one I need to think of to develop all these rhymes,
No matter what's going on, when I'm in your arms I'm fine,
We lose ourselves in each other, lose all sense of time,
But even time wouldn't understand the feelings we hold inside,
No matter the words they say, forget their countless lies,
It's my heart that's my drive, that knows that I want you to be mine,
It's not up to them, the now and future is only for us to decide,
It's not their place to tell us who should be the one by our side,
What we've got is one of a kind, something those fools will never find,
Every word of what I write still feels so right,
Even though it hasn't even been forty nights,
It still feels like I've known you all my life,
Every time I see you the world is once again bright,
Even though the time I've known you has been so slight,
It still feels like I've known you all my life.
Is the realization that I'll never need another,
Watch the butterflies in your eyes start to flutter,
See the words in my throat begin to stutter,
As your smile cuts through the pain and clears away the clutter,
Looking in my eyes you'll see I wouldn't have it any other
Way than to have you be the one that's always on my mind,
Be the inspiration behind each of these very lines,
The only one I need to think of to develop all these rhymes,
No matter what's going on, when I'm in your arms I'm fine,
We lose ourselves in each other, lose all sense of time,
But even time wouldn't understand the feelings we hold inside,
No matter the words they say, forget their countless lies,
It's my heart that's my drive, that knows that I want you to be mine,
It's not up to them, the now and future is only for us to decide,
It's not their place to tell us who should be the one by our side,
What we've got is one of a kind, something those fools will never find,
Every word of what I write still feels so right,
Even though it hasn't even been forty nights,
It still feels like I've known you all my life,
Every time I see you the world is once again bright,
Even though the time I've known you has been so slight,
It still feels like I've known you all my life.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
"Unfinished Scream", June 14th, 2008.
Where do we go from here?
The dreams you won't give up on
Kill the dreams my sights are set on.
Can't influence what you decide,
Have to keep all the fears inside,
Find a place for my thoughts to hide.
Can't shake the feeling that I'm an aside,
Something to add to the thrill of the ride,
Until you cross to the next waves of the tide.
I'll be left here, alone and stranded,
Unable to swim in this sea, I'll be abandoned,
Won't make it there if you're waiting at the shore.
The dreams you won't give up on
Kill the dreams my sights are set on.
Can't influence what you decide,
Have to keep all the fears inside,
Find a place for my thoughts to hide.
Can't shake the feeling that I'm an aside,
Something to add to the thrill of the ride,
Until you cross to the next waves of the tide.
I'll be left here, alone and stranded,
Unable to swim in this sea, I'll be abandoned,
Won't make it there if you're waiting at the shore.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
"Riverside" - May 18th, 2008
Giving up this part of me
Shatter it so you can be
Happy and free as the fish at sea,
While my nights alone, you can't see,
The sinking feeling just won't cease,
My heart's not an apartment lease,
Spend some time there then up and leave,
You're turning the page, I'm lost in the crease,
You had this total shell of mine breached,
You had been were no one else had reached,
Each of us, so much to learn, so much to teach,
I saw it, and clung to it, becoming a leech,
Digging this hole of mine deeper with each
Passing day, no matter how much I beg and plead,
Within these words which I've no doubt you'll read,
No matter how much my soul leaks and bleeds,
It's the pain like this upon which my closed heart feeds,
I'm always subject to everyone else's needs,
Your whims the wind to my river's reeds,
Left alone to wish to be plucked from the weeds.
Shatter it so you can be
Happy and free as the fish at sea,
While my nights alone, you can't see,
The sinking feeling just won't cease,
My heart's not an apartment lease,
Spend some time there then up and leave,
You're turning the page, I'm lost in the crease,
You had this total shell of mine breached,
You had been were no one else had reached,
Each of us, so much to learn, so much to teach,
I saw it, and clung to it, becoming a leech,
Digging this hole of mine deeper with each
Passing day, no matter how much I beg and plead,
Within these words which I've no doubt you'll read,
No matter how much my soul leaks and bleeds,
It's the pain like this upon which my closed heart feeds,
I'm always subject to everyone else's needs,
Your whims the wind to my river's reeds,
Left alone to wish to be plucked from the weeds.
"Eclipsing Eyes" - May 18th, 2008
Watch the solar eclipse within these eyes,
Watch those portals become my disguise,
Those pools of emotion becoming blocks of ice.
Close my mind and watch just with my eyes,
Rule out the chance that your words are lies,
Stop thinking that each sentence is my demise.
Cool off the fire of passion in these eyes,
Hope that every shred of tension dies,
Do everything which my mind denies.
Turn off the thoughts behind my eyes,
Free the spirit and let it guide,
Hold on to happiness and let seriousness fly.
Watch those portals become my disguise,
Those pools of emotion becoming blocks of ice.
Close my mind and watch just with my eyes,
Rule out the chance that your words are lies,
Stop thinking that each sentence is my demise.
Cool off the fire of passion in these eyes,
Hope that every shred of tension dies,
Do everything which my mind denies.
Turn off the thoughts behind my eyes,
Free the spirit and let it guide,
Hold on to happiness and let seriousness fly.
Friday, May 16, 2008
"Digitice" May 18th, 2008
It's bitter, icy cold in here,
My soul an unstoppable air conditioner,
Never letting me feel secure.
Everything starts to feel numb inside,
The tears all turn to ice,
As the eyes turn to screens to relive the lies.
It's those memories of the crushing pain,
That gives you that fear that I'm not fully sane,
Something's wrong inside me, something without a name.
I don't want to be the empty frame I've been,
I want to be good enough again,
Not have to remember what they did to me back then.
Wish I could give you my heart, but I know it's not fair
When you aren't ready to give away love, to share
The feelings I have when my eyes meet your stare.
But I want you happy, and if that's what it means,
To keep these kinds of words behind the scenes,
Then I'll keep the thoughts of us in my dreams.
Just until you're ready to start something real,
Ready to share these things that I feel,
And break open the loving hearts that we've both sealed.
My soul an unstoppable air conditioner,
Never letting me feel secure.
Everything starts to feel numb inside,
The tears all turn to ice,
As the eyes turn to screens to relive the lies.
It's those memories of the crushing pain,
That gives you that fear that I'm not fully sane,
Something's wrong inside me, something without a name.
I don't want to be the empty frame I've been,
I want to be good enough again,
Not have to remember what they did to me back then.
Wish I could give you my heart, but I know it's not fair
When you aren't ready to give away love, to share
The feelings I have when my eyes meet your stare.
But I want you happy, and if that's what it means,
To keep these kinds of words behind the scenes,
Then I'll keep the thoughts of us in my dreams.
Just until you're ready to start something real,
Ready to share these things that I feel,
And break open the loving hearts that we've both sealed.
"Ancient Cassette" May 16th, 2008
We're left to resign
To the fact that we define
Everyone by the rage we design
In our minds
The tape unwinds
When we try to rewind
To hear what we missed when our souls were blind.
We outline
What's underlined
In the past where the hurt's confined
The only release when our hearts align
Keep saying we're fine
Following the everyday line
Of a future so maligned
That we lose sight of what's inside
It's yours, it's mine
This frozen heart for the longest time
Melt it down and find its rhymes
Let the glow that we share shine
Light up this place in which I reside
Take the feeling I've always denied
Make it yours if you'll be mine.
To the fact that we define
Everyone by the rage we design
In our minds
The tape unwinds
When we try to rewind
To hear what we missed when our souls were blind.
We outline
What's underlined
In the past where the hurt's confined
The only release when our hearts align
Keep saying we're fine
Following the everyday line
Of a future so maligned
That we lose sight of what's inside
It's yours, it's mine
This frozen heart for the longest time
Melt it down and find its rhymes
Let the glow that we share shine
Light up this place in which I reside
Take the feeling I've always denied
Make it yours if you'll be mine.
"Ignorance Inversion" May 14th, 2008
In this inverted world, where angels rise from darkness and demons fall from light,
Where we sleep away the days and design ourselves at night,
Where the blind cannot hear, and the deaf have no sight,
Where all we thought was wrong becomes right,
There you and I lie, unchanged, holding the other tight.
Ignorant fools will fight around us, trying to destroy what isn't there,
Blind to our existence, there's not a life they will spare,
We'll be there to see the end, protected by the thoughts we share,
Guarding the bond between us, so real itself - it's rare,
Our gazes never breaking, neither one of us is scared.
This connection we share is without a name,
But our reluctance to release it is near the same,
The world tosses concepts around as if a child's game,
Destroyed "love" with no regret or shame,
Then scanning the earth for a face to blame.
But this sick and twisted world, with the venom of a snake,
Will soon find out that these stares will never break,
The connection of our hearts is something they can't take,
The firmness in our souls is the one thing they can't shake,
And we'll be the survivors when our lives are at stake.
Where we sleep away the days and design ourselves at night,
Where the blind cannot hear, and the deaf have no sight,
Where all we thought was wrong becomes right,
There you and I lie, unchanged, holding the other tight.
Ignorant fools will fight around us, trying to destroy what isn't there,
Blind to our existence, there's not a life they will spare,
We'll be there to see the end, protected by the thoughts we share,
Guarding the bond between us, so real itself - it's rare,
Our gazes never breaking, neither one of us is scared.
This connection we share is without a name,
But our reluctance to release it is near the same,
The world tosses concepts around as if a child's game,
Destroyed "love" with no regret or shame,
Then scanning the earth for a face to blame.
But this sick and twisted world, with the venom of a snake,
Will soon find out that these stares will never break,
The connection of our hearts is something they can't take,
The firmness in our souls is the one thing they can't shake,
And we'll be the survivors when our lives are at stake.
"Transparency", May 14th, 2008
Like watching a blown-glass angel in the way of a sledgehammer,
Knowing that none of your silent crystalline tears can save her,
Wishing you could hold her, and take each blow that's struck,
Those guards, her defenses, seemingly keeping you stuck,
Forcing you to watch as she's smashed, piece by piece, bit by bit,
Each of the sounds ringing in your ears, can no longer handle it,
You know if you reach her, you'll be shot dead at the scene,
So you stare onward at her gaze, so peaceful, so serene,
Until all that is left is her eyes, it's obscene,
The crowds will disperse, then the guards will leave,
Leaving those eyes as the pieces to receive,
You'll take all those tears that you held inside,
Give them to her to restore all her pride,
Bring back the feelings that she believed died,
In doing so, showing what you've tried to hide,
At this point it's her choice, no words you can say,
Whether with you is the place she will stay,
Or take her new wings, and fly further away.
Knowing that none of your silent crystalline tears can save her,
Wishing you could hold her, and take each blow that's struck,
Those guards, her defenses, seemingly keeping you stuck,
Forcing you to watch as she's smashed, piece by piece, bit by bit,
Each of the sounds ringing in your ears, can no longer handle it,
You know if you reach her, you'll be shot dead at the scene,
So you stare onward at her gaze, so peaceful, so serene,
Until all that is left is her eyes, it's obscene,
The crowds will disperse, then the guards will leave,
Leaving those eyes as the pieces to receive,
You'll take all those tears that you held inside,
Give them to her to restore all her pride,
Bring back the feelings that she believed died,
In doing so, showing what you've tried to hide,
At this point it's her choice, no words you can say,
Whether with you is the place she will stay,
Or take her new wings, and fly further away.
Monday, May 5, 2008
May 5th, 2008 - "Attack of the Nothing"
Son this world is out to break you,
Take a look, but really take two,
See these lies you'll never make true,
This time called life that they all fake through.
So let them take their shots at you,
Send their poisoned words at you,
Keep your focus straight and see what's right,
Let them punch and swing at you,
Those parasites will try to cling to you,
But never let them change your sight.
The word of the world is twisted and swirled,
You'll see what's behind when the riddle's unfurled,
Looking back at the obstacles over which you hurdled,
Wondering just what's left to find in this world.
Take a look, but really take two,
See these lies you'll never make true,
This time called life that they all fake through.
So let them take their shots at you,
Send their poisoned words at you,
Keep your focus straight and see what's right,
Let them punch and swing at you,
Those parasites will try to cling to you,
But never let them change your sight.
The word of the world is twisted and swirled,
You'll see what's behind when the riddle's unfurled,
Looking back at the obstacles over which you hurdled,
Wondering just what's left to find in this world.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Warning Shot - April 28, 2008
Poisoned words form your lies,
See no mercy in these eyes,
We're not listening to you this time,
It's my turn to write the rhymes,
My turn to finally speak my mind,
And let what I've coiled up unwind,
Because this is where I draw the line,
And if goodbye is the only way, fine.
You're done with this mess, don't need to hear,
How I'm facing you without open ears,
I've heard enough, what's going on is clear,
You think you know what's best for everyone here,
You believe our lives and minds are yours to steer,
You're gonna learn, we're wise beyond our years,
We can see exactly what's happening here,
Our stand is being made, it's something you should fear.
I'm the one who you'll have to stand up to,
The one you'll have to beg to spare you,
Not to string you up like I should do,
And let them all just laugh at you,
I'm the one you'll come crawling back to,
When you fall and see no one around you.
I'm the one you can't be better than,
Cause you can't touch the things I can,
You're nowhere near me, you never can
Be the person I already am.
I'm only getting better, closer to destiny,
You can't get away from that selfish gravity,
Forever stuck there you'll have to be,
Cursed to always look up at me,
You thought it was easy, thought I was weak,
Looks like your ship's starting to sink,
So don't even wonder, don't even think,
You'll ever find me - I'll fade as you blink.
See no mercy in these eyes,
We're not listening to you this time,
It's my turn to write the rhymes,
My turn to finally speak my mind,
And let what I've coiled up unwind,
Because this is where I draw the line,
And if goodbye is the only way, fine.
You're done with this mess, don't need to hear,
How I'm facing you without open ears,
I've heard enough, what's going on is clear,
You think you know what's best for everyone here,
You believe our lives and minds are yours to steer,
You're gonna learn, we're wise beyond our years,
We can see exactly what's happening here,
Our stand is being made, it's something you should fear.
I'm the one who you'll have to stand up to,
The one you'll have to beg to spare you,
Not to string you up like I should do,
And let them all just laugh at you,
I'm the one you'll come crawling back to,
When you fall and see no one around you.
I'm the one you can't be better than,
Cause you can't touch the things I can,
You're nowhere near me, you never can
Be the person I already am.
I'm only getting better, closer to destiny,
You can't get away from that selfish gravity,
Forever stuck there you'll have to be,
Cursed to always look up at me,
You thought it was easy, thought I was weak,
Looks like your ship's starting to sink,
So don't even wonder, don't even think,
You'll ever find me - I'll fade as you blink.
Friday, February 22, 2008
February 22, 2008. "Untouchable"
You said you wouldn't lie,
I guess that the bar for that's too high,
because she's untouchable.
You had to lie to save your pride,
Now what you feel, you have to hide,
because she's untouchable.
Every time you look in her eyes, you have your dreams,
To act them out would tear your bonds at the seams,
because she's untouchable.
You've seen the perfect moment come and go so much,
But she'll be gone forever if both of your lips touch,
because she's untouchable.
So here you lie tonight, she's all that's on your mind,
In your mind - that's where the limit's been defined,
because she's untouchable.
I guess that the bar for that's too high,
because she's untouchable.
You had to lie to save your pride,
Now what you feel, you have to hide,
because she's untouchable.
Every time you look in her eyes, you have your dreams,
To act them out would tear your bonds at the seams,
because she's untouchable.
You've seen the perfect moment come and go so much,
But she'll be gone forever if both of your lips touch,
because she's untouchable.
So here you lie tonight, she's all that's on your mind,
In your mind - that's where the limit's been defined,
because she's untouchable.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
February 17, 2008 "Question the Paradox."
The days my eyes turn black,
The days the skies turn gray,
The days the ice will never melt,
The days the rain will never stop,
Those are the days I think of you.
I've never turned my back on anything,
Been betrayed but never backstabbed,
I've always seen it coming.
The sky will rain ash,
The lakes turn to fire,
But you'll never stop me.
You're in the way of all I need.
I'm in the background,
Changing everything before you,
And you won't notice till it's too late.
Yes, I'm destroying you. It's that simple.
But you'll never see it coming, it's right in front of you.
I'm making you and breaking you together.
You refused to break me when I asked you to.
I needed it. You argued.
Now I've lost everything, because I kept going the way I was.
It's almost simple, it's almost easy.
Just write myself off to someone else,
do for them what I couldn't do for myself.
But no one I find that it'd be worth it to do that for
Can allow me to do that for them.
I wish I could just change the world one time,
To make things fit the way I wish they would,
To show someone, just once, the person I could
Become for them, to make both sides happy again.
But I'll never get that chance, I can't seem to act at the right times,
Even as I write this, unable to find any relevant rhymes,
To help me get my point across.
I don't know how to convince someone to trust me that much,
When I can't give them an example of what's in store,
If I tried, it wouldn't be true.
Where's the answer?
The days the skies turn gray,
The days the ice will never melt,
The days the rain will never stop,
Those are the days I think of you.
I've never turned my back on anything,
Been betrayed but never backstabbed,
I've always seen it coming.
The sky will rain ash,
The lakes turn to fire,
But you'll never stop me.
You're in the way of all I need.
I'm in the background,
Changing everything before you,
And you won't notice till it's too late.
Yes, I'm destroying you. It's that simple.
But you'll never see it coming, it's right in front of you.
I'm making you and breaking you together.
You refused to break me when I asked you to.
I needed it. You argued.
Now I've lost everything, because I kept going the way I was.
It's almost simple, it's almost easy.
Just write myself off to someone else,
do for them what I couldn't do for myself.
But no one I find that it'd be worth it to do that for
Can allow me to do that for them.
I wish I could just change the world one time,
To make things fit the way I wish they would,
To show someone, just once, the person I could
Become for them, to make both sides happy again.
But I'll never get that chance, I can't seem to act at the right times,
Even as I write this, unable to find any relevant rhymes,
To help me get my point across.
I don't know how to convince someone to trust me that much,
When I can't give them an example of what's in store,
If I tried, it wouldn't be true.
Where's the answer?
Friday, February 15, 2008
February 15, 2008, "Formless System"
Hiding because of being hurt before
Fearing to share what I have stored...
I'm just locking it up, putting it away.
This, the first note,
Of the longest scavenger hunt.
I can't bring myself to do it.
I wonder, how long can I hide it?
Before it's found, before it's brought out?
Will they even bother to search?
If they do, it's only a matter of time.
Good thing I'm holding the key, and I'll know when it's the right time to hand that over.
But will the time ever come?
Will they ever be ready?
If history holds true, then no.
But history has not held true so far.
I wonder if they'll read this.
I wonder if they'll understand it.
I wonder if they'll approach me about it.
I wonder if they'll be right.
I wonder, most of all, if they'll do something about it.
And you know what?
I doubt it.
Fearing to share what I have stored...
I'm just locking it up, putting it away.
This, the first note,
Of the longest scavenger hunt.
I can't bring myself to do it.
I wonder, how long can I hide it?
Before it's found, before it's brought out?
Will they even bother to search?
If they do, it's only a matter of time.
Good thing I'm holding the key, and I'll know when it's the right time to hand that over.
But will the time ever come?
Will they ever be ready?
If history holds true, then no.
But history has not held true so far.
I wonder if they'll read this.
I wonder if they'll understand it.
I wonder if they'll approach me about it.
I wonder if they'll be right.
I wonder, most of all, if they'll do something about it.
And you know what?
I doubt it.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
2007, Karmaic Regret
Let it be known
This mistake is my own.
Trusting you -
I'm a fool.
Forgetting you -
That's the rule.
The same excuses -
All heard before.
Fate muses -
But a heart is torn.
But fate just might
Have this all set right.
Barbed wire to twist tight
'Round your heart in the night.
Fate may make your heart deprived
Of the love you've for so long strived
May take your love and turn it black
Liquid, running, falling through the cracks.
Or maybe that's wrong.
Maybe I've erred.
Maybe being strong
Has my thoughts impaired.
Maybe fate avenges one
A past of mine long said and done
Maybe this misery and pain
Is the only bleach to clean the stain
Of how I've treated people from the past
Maybe I'm to be - to the last -
Alone, afraid, and empty inside
To suffer this way to the end of time.2005, Hinges
A shed door sits outside
Hasn't been opened in some time
Covered in moss from years of rain
It smells somewhat of high tide.
You go out to the backyard
Armed your garden tools
To remove moss, rock hard
You've made the error of prior fools.
The hinges seem rusted
And covered with lime
The bolts seeming crusted
Through great lengths of time.
A door long forgotten
With life's menial tasks
A friend long forgotten
With an ex-wife's many masks.
With the manipulator discharged
The lock reveals itself
Shiny, new, and unharmed
And you think to yourself...
"How could this be?"
As you insert the key
The hinges creak and the door swings ajar,
And a previous life you find again.
A voice speaks from inside
"Is that you, old friend?"
The voice sounds raspy, as if trying to hide
"Yes, it is, may I come inside?"
An old friend,
pushed aside by lust
their care for you never did end,
and the moss comes off with your newfound trust.
2005, Shadow Master
Fires unclean
Can only be seen
By those with a heavy heart
Inside
Their own mind
A cleansing flame blown out in the
Wind
Of letting others win
Over what they say and how they start to
Act
Not on their own track
Not able to be free from another enemy
Attack
Looking out from the
Ash
Troubled minds seek to
Clash
With the
Thought
Of their own
Distraught
Ways and ideas brought about by them being
Caught
In a web of
Confusion
Unable to escape from their
Delusion
Deep in the shadows
Where the last of our delusions make their stand
I'll save you from the shadows
If you want to win this battle take my hand.
If you can understand
Where I stand
Then take my hand and you will find the strength you
Can
Take over this fight
Turn the tides
Don't give up on what you see as
Right
Don't look back
You've gotten this far to finding out the secret
Don't look back
It'll only lead you
Straight back to yesterday...
Deep in the shadows
Where the last of our delusions make their stand
I'll save you from the shadows
If you want to win just take my hand.
You're far from the light now,
There's no turning back now,
Get ready to fight now,
Here comes insanity for one last stand.
Don't blame yourself for sin
And you will win
The battle against yourself
The revolution in your mind
Life is a mystery
Not the same history
Pull up the riddles of your mind
And with time they will unwind.
February 12, 2008 Pitch Black Prison
They see me as a cocoon,
Hanging so beautiful and precious
Afraid, though, to take me down
For fear of unfinished changes
They admire me as they pass by
Amazed by the colors and complex design
Not a single one questioning why
Why I've yet to escape from where I'm confined.
All it would take to release me from here
Is for someone to finally see things clear
To see that this cocoon is in face just a shell
One which contains me in my personal hell
Within which I slowly suffocate inside
Killing off the emotions which I wish to hide.
At this point I'm inhuman,
Swallowed by complexity, unable to see reality.
This prison was not a choice
To be trapped here with no voice
"I'll love you to death.", my last audible cry
As if to prove it, I'm left here to die.
Someone, anyone, cut me down and take me out
Believe in me with zero doubt
I'll try to prove to be the one
You've always dreamed of, and far beyond.
Hanging so beautiful and precious
Afraid, though, to take me down
For fear of unfinished changes
They admire me as they pass by
Amazed by the colors and complex design
Not a single one questioning why
Why I've yet to escape from where I'm confined.
All it would take to release me from here
Is for someone to finally see things clear
To see that this cocoon is in face just a shell
One which contains me in my personal hell
Within which I slowly suffocate inside
Killing off the emotions which I wish to hide.
At this point I'm inhuman,
Swallowed by complexity, unable to see reality.
This prison was not a choice
To be trapped here with no voice
"I'll love you to death.", my last audible cry
As if to prove it, I'm left here to die.
Someone, anyone, cut me down and take me out
Believe in me with zero doubt
I'll try to prove to be the one
You've always dreamed of, and far beyond.
Monday, February 11, 2008
February 11, 2008. "Yours Gone As Well As Mine"
Your words, which I once chose to be my guides,
Have now become worthless, and nothing but lies.
Your eyes, which before were so caring and warm,
Now strike with the sting of a thousand bee swarm.
Your hands, before such a comforting touch,
Now cold and lifeless with no sense of trust.
Your smile used to shine like a beacon of light,
Now wickedly glows as a wolf’s teeth in the night.
Your heart, once innocent and so full of trust,
But a downpour of lies has caused it to rust.
Our love, which we thought would help us both mend,
Now leaves us bitter, enraged till the end.
My heart, which once did belong to you,
Now cannot see what’s false and what’s true.
My smile, the one you brought to my face each day,
Now turns to indifference, and is faded away.
My hands, once warm has you held them through the days,
Now cold and bleeding as I navigate life’s maze.
My eyes, once bright and vibrant with life,
Now darkened voids while filled with this strife.
My words, their meaning was for your ears to gauge,
Now can only exist as the ink on this page...
February 11, 2008. "Anti-Perfection"
Why
Why am I
Why am I expected
To do these impossible tasks.
This
This indecision
This indecision keeps me frozen
Unable to take a step from this track.
And all the while you see me here,
Screaming the words that only you hear,
You say you'll be ready at an impossible time,
That when you open your eyes, I should open mine.
You know I won't see it, you know I'll be blind
And you'll find someone else within that time
To you I'm your backup, if the now falls apart
You know that it's wrong, but you don't have the heart
To admit that I'm the one you wanted this time,
But all your friends made it into some sort of crime,
To give us the chance, that you still desire,
As if to care for me is to be set afire...
So this is the anthem to those that ran from me,
Those who ignored me and tried to destroy me,
You think that by running, you'll finally be rid of me,
But forever you'll carry the memory of me.
Cause what you have now, you know I was better,
And as you read this, every line, every letter,
A part of you dies, knowing it's true,
That you threw away what could have been perfect for you...
February 11, 2008. "Ashen Fight"
My skin may be burned to ash, my bones used charcoal, and the land around me still burning and hot with fire, but it still stands, ready to fight you, ready to die. There will be no surrender. My shield may crack, my sword may break, but still I will fight the world until either I die or I destroy all the evil it can send at me. I stand alone, with no ally behind me, no reinforcements to call, no apprentices to take over when I pass on, and no one fighting beside me. And still, nothing you attack me with will kill me. You could burn me till my very breath turns to smoke, but I shall not give up my fight against you.
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